You don't have to fit the mold!
My name is Dolores, I am 29years old. I was born with PCE (prenatal cocaine exposure). My mother died when I was 2years old and my father was absent from my life. As a result, I instantly became a ward of the state. At the age of 13 I heard that my father recently died from HIV/ AIDS due to the sharing of needles. I am a product of drug addicted parents. I am a survivor of mental, physical, verbal and sexual abuse experienced in my early childhood and teenage years. I became a victim of gang rape by seven men at the age of 17. I suffered from PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and SD (severe depression). I turned to sex, drugs and self-mutilation to medicate my pain. I was suicidal and hated my life. I struggled with my sexuality throughout my teens and as a young adult I had no sense of identity.
I had been told by my pastor, the only man that I had ever trusted, that I would never be any good for any man. So, my hopes for marriage was very slim to none. But at the age of 23 I married Mr. Wrong, another man who I later found out would also abuse me. 3years later I became pregnant with his son who he threatened to take from me. Out of everything I went through with him this got my attention. Because now I was responsible for caring and protecting someone other than myself and knew that our son could not grow up in that kind of environment, so I left my son’s father to save both of our lives. In the marriage, we lived from paycheck to paycheck, barely making it. And what money we did have, my ex-husband tried to control. When I became pregnant, the morning sickness was so bad that I went from working 2 jobs to becoming completely unemployed. I worked at ups in the daytime and I worked overnights by myself at a gas-station. When I left my son’s father, I Had to humble myself and go back home to live with my foster mom with nothing at all, not even my pride.
The day that my son was born, His father didn’t participate at all during the delivery, but rather he stood in the corner and just waited for the baby to come out. He didn’t even want to cut the umbilical cord. He became verbally abusive in the hospital and had to be escorted out. He ruined one of the most important days of my life. My very first childbirth. He did not claim our son because he was so light and looked more like me than him. He asked for a paternity test even though I had never been unfaithful in the marriage. He did not want to take care of our son, leaving me to figure out how I was going to take care of a baby by myself. A single mother, with no job, no money, starting all over from scratch, with a baby who still had needs and couldn’t fend for himself. How was I going to survive that?? The way I survived everything else. By the grace of God. My family was as supportive as they could be. But now I was a mother, I needed to be able take care of my son and me. So, I would join programs that allowed me to take life skills classes and earn points to be able to get hand me down clothes for my baby, books, toys diapers and wipes. I had to receive government assistance for us to eat and to contribute for room and board. And When the struggle really got real I began to donate the plasma in my blood and sell candy at the college I attended for extra money. I did whatever I could, legally, ethically and morally to take care of us. And don’t get me wrong, I was very grateful for the hand me down clothes and books I was able to get my son, because I was able to get them as his mother.
I shouldn’t be here today. Me or my son. I should be strung out on drugs, I should be in a mental facility, I should be on the streets. But I’m not. I should have given up on life, but I didn’t. Instead I have my sanity. Instead I have peace. I haven’t used drugs or alcohol in years. I have completed counselling classes and therapy. Throughout my separation and divorce, I remained faithful to the end, even after finding out my ex had been cheating on me with different women. I am now finishing school soon to graduate. I am now a licensed business owner of my own company and brand (Kingdom Touch Incorporated).
I am progressively getting my business off the ground. I have written several books soon to be published. I now have goals and vision. Yes, I have a past. Yes, I’ve been through hell. Yes, I’m divorced. Yes, I had a very hard life. Always wondering if it would ever get better for me. Always waiting for the good part. And According to statistics I am an exception to the rule. But what I came to realize was the fact that I did NOT have to be what my life’s circumstances and history said I should be. That’s the moral of the story. And because of that I am committed to telling my story to as many people as I can, letting them know That God's grace is enough. God’s grace is enough for them to live again, to dream again, to hope again, to overcome failure, to survive, and to defy the odds. God’s Grace, his undeserving love and favor, is enough to make something out of nothing and I am living proof of that. You don’t have to fit the mold.
